Those who know me know that I never wear Flip Flops and that I despise pumpkin pie--Until last week.

I've been working (with the coaching expertise of my colleague Kozo Hattori) on becoming a more compassionate man. Things were off to a good start as a started to integrate this into my conscious living rather than just run my default mode of selective compassion.

As a child of divorce I have memories of my step-father (now deceased) being a man with little compassion. He would yell at us kids and turn all red while his spit speckles would spray on my face. He rarely worked and he lounged around the house with no shirt on, only wearing shorts and Flip Flops. Thus the very sound of these sandals smacking the bottom of feet would always put me back in my 13 year old skin.

My stepmother was a hardworking professional type. Very successful in her career, but not so much in the kitchen--she was a terrible cook. She came across as an extreme cheapskate though it wasn't necessary. This frugality impacted me a number of times as a child. It was the absence of compassion and generosity that really hurt. At Christmas she would make terrible pumpkin pie and her gifts felt injurious. Thus the sight of this pie has always made me sour.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I was all twisted up inside about this, in fact I had hardly connected these things in my mind. Until this week.

Reflecting on the crucifixion story and Jesus' prayer to "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." I was struck by the profound compassion within the worst circumstances.

 

So I did. And moments later there was room in my heart for a stepparent to be frustrated, reserved, guarded, or keeping a safe distance. Their positives came more into focus. I found that others (just like myself) know not what we do. 

I also found some Flip Flops to go with my new freedom to enjoy them.

~Lenny Kravitz "Let Love Rule"